Diana - "True" Love

Loyd Paton sat on a park bench, sitting with good posture and staring out to nowhere.
"Would you like to share with me?" The elderly man next to Loyd was wearing suspenders, and gesturing towards the pigeon feed he held (even though there weren't any pigeons in sight and he was just making a pile of seed that he was unaware of.)
"No, I'm afraid of commitments, sorry." Twenty-three-year-old Loyd Paton lied and broke the old man's heart.
Loyd spotted Hillary Clinton walking towards him, Hillary Clinton was his role model and looked up to her in every aspect. Loyd popped a tic-tac in his mouth and got himself pretty for Hillary, then he spotted Diana. Diana was also walking towards Loyd, she was about ten feet behing Hillary, completely ignoring the politician. Diana didn't have a last name, she not born out of a vagina, one day, a baby fell out of a tree and was named Diana, the story is a bit like Jesus meets the Grinch, and even moreso because she was studied and hailed as the second Jesus at first, but then everybody noticed how annoying she was and lost interest. Diana thought she was in the movie Titanic, and Loyd was her lover. Loyd thought Diana was annoying, Loyd ran away as soon as he saw Diana, even though he also had to leave Hilary Clinton.
Loyd ran out of the park he had been sitting in, Diana followed, she screamed; "I love you Jack!" "Watch out for that iceberg!" "Rosie O'Donnel just sunk all the lifeboats, now we're officially doomed." Loyd ran onto the street, he was out of breath, he shouldn't have stopped in the middle of the street, a humongous ginormous bigger than a cruise ship truck, ALMOST hit Loyd, but stopped in time. Then a helicopter fell out of the sky and crushed him to death.
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Diana as she watched Loyd die.